My Uncle doesn't want my cousin to talk to me...

[FanChan]

I love this quote from the bible "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone" funny how every other "christian" knows this one but your uncle doesn't. Try reading the bible you can find lots of quotes and passages to throw in bible thumpers faces. Like passages that allow you to sell your daughter into slavery. I love when people get all religious. I love to knock em off their pedestal. Best of luck to ya wendy and say hi to Starvoyager for me.

Many of those quotes and passages you're likely referring to can be easily cast aside by a simple study of context. Please refrain from bashing Christians on a site with Christians. Think what you want about us, but be considerate in your posting. Her uncle is hardly an example of what it means to be Christian, and using him as grounds to insult all of us isn't right.

[Chibi Rachy]

I love this quote from the bible "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone" funny how every other "christian" knows this one but your uncle doesn't. Try reading the bible you can find lots of quotes and passages to throw in bible thumpers faces. Like passages that allow you to sell your daughter into slavery. I love when people get all religious. I love to knock em off their pedestal. Best of luck to ya wendy and say hi to Starvoyager for me.

TheWendyBird wasn't doing it as a discussion on religion. She simply wants to talk to her cousin and finds the reasons given don't stack up. Also, no matter what you feel about Christianity, you must learn to separate the good Christians from those using it as a front for something else. It's not fair to bash another's religion, even if you don't agree with it. Respect another's belief because there is likely some belief that you would wish others to respect, religious or not.

[IndigoJoy]

Wendybird, obviously your uncle has some issues with your being divorced, and you may never be able to change his mind. I think that, if you did believe in the Christian God, that your divorce and whether it was sinful or not would be between you and your God, and that it is none of his business.

Your uncle did mention he doesn't want you discussing "such personal information" with someone so young. Will he let you talk to her if you specifically agree not to talk about the divorce with her?

I hope that this would be a reasonable compromise. If he truly forbids her to speak to you, the only thing you can do may be to reassure your cousin you love her and wait for her on the other side, when she turns 18 and is allowed to make her own decisions, and hope that he doesn't poison her mind into thinking you're a sinner that she can't talk to.

FWIW I am an ex-Christian who was in an abusive church and I nearly killed myself over that fear of hell. My church, which was more like a cult, used that fear and coersion to keep me in it, and it took 2 years of therapy for me to even begin to get over it. I firmly believe that it is what caused me to develop some mental health issues.

Anyways, here are some sites to help you out:

http://www.losingmyreligion.com

Leaving Christianity

http://ex-pentecostals.org/ (I wasn't a Pentecostal, I was a charismatic, but the site was helpful anyways. They have a great forum too.)

[TheWendybird]

Thanks everyone for your ideas and support....I was so down today that when we went to see "the Time Travelers Wife"...an emo movie..I was actually cheered up. Weirdly enough...when we came out of the theatre with my 12 year old cousin (this one on my moms side) and her friend...my DAD of all people...was just going into a movie...he tried to talk to me..Starvoyager didn't even look him in the face ..and so to be civil I waved and kept walking...I didn't want to be completely rude but that whole side of the family has been a living hell for me. I use to cry all the time when I was little asking mom "why don't they want me?" and then dad made me feel like he was sorry and so I gave him a second chance and now I feel completely rejected by everyone..not only him and my grandparents..but uncles too...it's insane. I've always tried to be civil but they always act the opposite with me..I'm sure had I stopped he would have said something upsetting to me. I dunno if my Uncle has been talking to him about this but...gawd I really don't want an e-mail from dad...I had made it quite clear after the last time he e-mailed me that I had had it with the lot of them and to not talk to me again yet he was trying tonight. I have a lifetime of heartache because of him and now his lies to the rest of the family made me lose them along with this stupid religious stuff my uncle is doing. F-E-D U-P!

As for the getting far away from them idea...thats an option as we're planning on moving back to Starvoyagers homestate when we get married so I won't have to see anyone at least....unfortunately...there is e-mail...but at least I won't need to worry about running into anyone.

[TheWendybird]

Wendybird, obviously your uncle has some issues with your being divorced, and you may never be able to change his mind. I think that, if you did believe in the Christian God, that your divorce and whether it was sinful or not would be between you and your God, and that it is none of his business.

Your uncle did mention he doesn't want you discussing "such personal information" with someone so young. Will he let you talk to her if you specifically agree not to talk about the divorce with her?

I hope that this would be a reasonable compromise. If he truly forbids her to speak to you, the only thing you can do may be to reassure your cousin you love her and wait for her on the other side, when she turns 18 and is allowed to make her own decisions, and hope that he doesn't poison her mind into thinking you're a sinner that she can't talk to.

FWIW I am an ex-Christian who was in an abusive church and I nearly killed myself over that fear of hell. My church, which was more like a cult, used that fear and coersion to keep me in it, and it took 2 years of therapy for me to even begin to get over it. I firmly believe that it is what caused me to develop some mental health issues.

Anyways, here are some sites to help you out:

http://www.losingmyreligion.com

Leaving Christianity

http://ex-pentecostals.org/ (I wasn't a Pentecostal, I was a charismatic, but the site was helpful anyways. They have a great forum too.)

Honestly I have no idea still what he meant by personal information...I don't recall telling her anything about the divorce and she's also not the type to tell her dad anything cause she's annoyed with him. He's just spewing things that make no sense. And gosh I'm seeing Pentecostal in the links....may I just say...and this is no offense to any pentecostals who may be on here i'm not saying everyone is like it but....my uncle is one...and the school i attended from Kindergarten to grade 9 was pentecostal and I met some of my nastiest bullies there. They were all very self righteous and holier than thou. Again not saying this of all pentecostals..just of my experience with ones around here and my uncle. I had a religion teacher in that school who told us "soap operas are evil and anyone who watches them are evil" to which i went home scared telling my grandma i was scared she was going to go to hell cause she loved soaps......and in grade 6 told us that the world WAS going to end in the year 2000.....as Starvoyager said when I told him about this "What would be the point in continuing education at all then? By the time graduation came the world would be ending" lol

[Dialga-Brite]

This makes me so sad.... family members are supposed to love each other, not hate each other. You seem to know that, but your uncle and your dad clearly don't. And it's so sad when a mean parent forces their kid not to talk to someone they get along with really well. It's CONTROL, and it's DISGUSTING.

[TheWendybird]

This makes me so sad.... family members are supposed to love each other, not hate each other. You seem to know that, but your uncle and your dad clearly don't. And it's so sad when a mean parent forces their kid not to talk to someone they get along with really well. It's CONTROL, and it's DISGUSTING.

That whole side of the family have something of a jerk gene or something.

[RedRaven78]

It’s a tricky situation. Nobody should be treated like that. I agree with FanChan that after all it seems the best solution cutting ties. It's hard because anybody wants to live that whole-happy-family-thing but I experienced similar behavior in my girl friend's family where my girl friend's mum and her aunt don't talk to each other anymore though their mother (my girl friend's grandma) lies dying in a nursing home. Ok, so where's the relation? In my opinion it's pure stubbornness which your uncle hides behind a shield of belief. I don't want to insult anyone's religious feeling but I think belief comes at least a little bit from habit. I grew up going to church every Sunday because my dad is also a "convinced" Christian. Until I moved out from my parents home. I decided that it doesn’t need a house of stone for praying – you can make it everywhere. Mercy, charity, the ability to forgive, approaching one another are virtues you won't find just in Christianity but your uncle experienced them since nobody kicked him out of church because he got divorced. I could hit the roof when very bad things happen and I hear people saying things like “It was God’s will.” Are they standing so well with Him that they really know His will? Enough off-topic. I was just trying to explain how people can act like this. But his behavior I think has nothing to do with belief. Your uncle is just stubborn and inequitable. I also agree with the others that he seems to fear you might stress your cousin with details about your marriage. That’s ridiculous ‘cause such things would nobody like to share with a young adult – maybe later but not yet. Doesn’t he realize that?

I dearly hope that somehow your problems can be fixed.

Wishing you all the best and a dreamlike marriage with Starvoyager

Michael

[FanChan]

I just wanted to add, since I'm in that cut-off situation, and am one of those people like Red Raven mentioned who always wanted that whole happy-family thing:


I'm determined to start that happy family with my generation. I already intend to have enough kids to make my own football team (and its cheerleaders xD), so it won't be more than a generation or two before that big family happens. And I can only hope, watching the other large families grow and develop around me, that it will remain happy, with hard work and lots of love - and a strong foundation.



Your own big happy family may take a few more generations, but you can take some comfort in the hope that you'll be that legendary family founder, that your great-great grandkids will look back on the trials you went through and the great family you raised with loving honor and respect.

[Chibi Rachy]

I'm also in a cut-off situation, though we did it by choice. My mom's family is serious drama-llama. I swear it could be a reality tv show, it's just that bad. There's so much backstabbing and crazy things going on that mom cut herself off so she wouldn't get wrapped up in it, which was a very good thing, the way things are going at this point.

At any rate, the happy family scenario is what anyone wants. And what we didn't have, we often want to create for our future children. So while I don't want my own football team like Fanchan (and every time I picture that I picture all the kids in matching football jerseys XD), I do want my children to grow up with some sense of family that was much better than my relative situation. Hopefully, my partner has a better family situation than I do, which would make it easier.