I'm not really sure where else I can vent this aside from here because I trust you guys so much more than people on other boards....

Here's what's happening...this might be lengthy as I need to give some background info so you know how all this came to happen recently...

I'm divorced....my husband was really horrible toward me...put a pillow over my face...watched pornography and wouldn't come near me for like 2 months (prably due to the porn)...neglectful...rolled his eyes if i even wanted a hug. Didn't want me to even sit on the couch with him...wouldn't do anything with me. I warned him if he didn't smarten up we were going to completely fall apart and I was going to leave him. His response was always this cocky "Pfft you wont leave me"..well I did.

So anyhow...then me and Starvoyager got involved june of '07 and we've been together ever since.

Last summer me and my father had a falling out. The reason for this was that he told my sister (half sister through him) when she was down on a visit that I only went to see my grandfather (his father) for money (he's a prospector...but I've always been embarrassed when he gives me money and I always tried to tell him I didn't want to take it and dad himself had told me to 'just take it he likes to give it away'). So I had confronted my father on this lie he told my sister (she didn't believe it) and he started going off on me with all kinds of stuff that was completely unrelated..including coming down on me because while on a trip with him i wanted to visit my great grandparents graves and my Aunt Nellie's grave...she died in '07 and I never got out to her funeral. Now she might not have been my blood aunt but that doesn't mean anything. Anyhow these graves I wanted to visit were on my moms side of the family....and he started badmouthing my family and saying things I KNOW are not true for a fact. Then when my sister was leaving me and Starvoyager went to the airport to say goodbye to her and my dad pipes up..I was perfectly fine...and starts in on me again..in front of people in the airport..and i end up walking away crying..my sister came over to say bye to me but she was NOT happy with him at all for doing that.

So anyhow this brings us up to my current situation.....I use to be a christian but for my own personal reasons I couldn't follow it anymore..i'm an ecclectic pagan but I think whatever one believes that's up to them....I had always struggled between christianity and paganism and i think fear of hell was the only thing keeping me in christianity.....so anyhow my dads brother..my Uncle that I mentioned in the subject..is a hardcore charismatic christian. Now even though I don't follow the faith doesn't mean I don't think prayers can help or that they're bad or anything you know?

So last november I wrote my Uncle who lives far away from me...and I told him what had happened on the trip with dad....that me, Starvoyager and my sister were on a trip with him and how he went off on me when he was the one that lied about me not the other way around....that I was feeling hopeless and I really wanted his prayers...because I just...I dunno i dont think i could ever go back after what my dad was saying about me and moms side of the family but I at least wanted him to know how wrong he was... (he's never said he's sorry)...so I wrote my Uncle about this and his reply was focusing on the fact that the name mentioned...Starvoyager (Chris) was not my ex husbands..for some reason he never knew I had been divorced..so without ANY details on why I left my husband this was my uncles response to me (oh yes he also didn't know i'm not christian anymore so thats why he says some stuff that he does):

"Krista where is your husband? Remember that you are a child of GOD. It is hard but we are not supposed to act like the world. We are to react in love,patience, kindness.Grudges and dissentions against others including our family needs to be repented of. If it isn`t, a believer`s heart will be hardened possibly even falling away. The key is to repent and ask GOD to forgive you and pray for your enemies(including family you have trouble with).

In CHRIST,
uncle Brian"


Now..apparently I was the one that needed to repent even though I didn't do anything. So i replied to him and I told him why i left my husband and how I was really hurt by his response because he didn't bother to have any words for comfort and all he did was come down on me with judgement....he responded saying he was sorry about my marriage and that he'd been through the same thing (he's re-married now) and pretty much ended it there cause I told him I wouldn't e-mail him again.

That is..until recently. His 12 year old daughter Amanda..my cousin...added me on facebook. Me and her use to talk but a couple years ago lost touch....she tells me her dad told her to not talk to me because I am divorced. Apparently he acts very high and mighty even with her. She's a very smart kid. I sure as heck wasn't going to stop talking to her and at first I was letting it slide (what my uncle said) except I realized I shouldn't just let him get away with it. Especially after he came back from my dads wedding a couple weeks ago...he found out from Amandas mom that we've been talking and he was NOT happy...her mom thinks it's great that we talk but apparently he doesn't. He met my half sister for the first time at dads wedding (she's estranged..I found her online in '06) and apparently wants her to hang out with amanda because he thinks she'll be a "good influence". Funny thing..if he finds out my sister believes in Gay Marriage I'm almost certain he's going to pull this on her too but ..till then my sister while she believes me about how our uncle acted toward me said she herself cant say a bad thing about him because he was "so nice". Well I'm sure that will change.

So anyhow I decided I had every right to e-mail him as what he said was just...completely hypcritical. This is what I wrote:


"Hello, I am just writing because it has come to my attention that you had told Amanda she wasn't allowed to talk to me because I am divorced? Now for the sake of argument I know you may argue that your own divorce doesn't count because you are a "changed man" and all...but I should like to point out that my father is also divorced and now re-married and not a born again christian...as is your own father. I am not judging them but I am pointing out that you telling your daughter...my cousin...to not talk to me over that is a tad cruel and hypocritical. I am not impressed. Apparently you told my sister you thought she'd make a good influence. Fact of the matter is I was the one who found Bailey and we have been close ever since. And she sees nothing wrong with me. I don't know why you do. But I am writing you to tell you that if it is indeed true that you said such a thing then you are a cruel person and even as a christian it's not very impressive. I don't care what you say the bible says...you have other divorced people in your life. I told you what I went through with my ex. And Jesus himself befriended people who went through things like me or worse. I am simply writing to let you know that I DO know what you have apparently said about me and voice my distaste for your attitude. Me and Amanda will continue to talk. She is my cousin. You have no right to act the way that you have. It's not too impressive and even if me and my father don't talk anymore I don't say he'd be too impressed with the logic behind it either as he divorced my mother and didn't even bother to get councelling. You want to throw me out with the trash I suggest you don't pick and choose. But for the record I don't think ANY of us deserve to be treated as such. You are divorced yourself sir and I suggest you humble yourself and get off your pedestal. Good day."


His response today:

"I`m not comfortable with you sharing such detailed personal information to with my 12 year old daughter. Respect my wishes.You need to use wisdom. Seek counselling about your inner anger and other issues.If you would like to hear my thoughts, feel free to call me at home" *insert phone numbers here*


I then responded with a long message but I'll just send an example of what I said as this message is long enough:

"And what personal information might that be? That I'm divorced? And no I think YOU need to seek wisdom in this situation because you are being a jerk. You did this long before Amanda apparently even added me on facebook. Our first conversation I found out you had told her to not talk to me. So that's no excuse. So what's the real one? I have no inner anger issues thankyou. Your behaviour is completely uncalled for. I did nothing to you. Just like last fall when I went to you for help and prayers and you start putting me down because I was divorced..which had NOTHING to do with the problem I went to you about. You have other divorced people in your life..my father has much worse anger problems than I will ever have and it's really too bad I didn't have him recorded in the car that day cause you wouldn't believe it unless you heard it I'm sure. But no of course I'M the one with the problem right?"

I just can't handle this junk anymore..I can't figure out WHAT set this off unless he really IS that insanely religious but that makes no sense cause he has no problem with Amanda talking to dad or grandpa....I'm sorry this message has been so long but I needed to vent to people who I know are not mean....I've already been crying over here with Starvoyager because I'm so insanely hurt by my dads side of the family...almost every single one of them..and now this...I have honestly never done anything and he can vouche for that....I'm so confused and I dunno what to do.....I don't want to give him the satisfaction of not talking to my cousin anymore but if I don't can he get the law involved even if he doesn't want it for a stupid reason? I can't figure this out..it can't be the divorce thing when he has other family that's divorced....unless it's because i'm a girl...but he allows her to see grandma too so....gawd I dunno...any thoughts?

Well the religon thing seems to be a big problem. It is hard to discuss matters here with that in mind, since opinions and beliefs will crash. I think your uncle sounds a little crazy, like is he having issues of his own and using you to reflect his problems on.


I don't care what religon anyone has unless it harms living creatures for no reason. No one should be preaching to you like that. I'm not sure but a way to solve this would be to visit him or talk to him to better display and convey your feelings to him. Words are often read differently in different contexts.

*hugs* I don't know that there is much you can do if he won't let you talk to her. I'm not sure of the legalities of the situation; someone knowledgable with the law in your state would be a better fit for that. I'm not sure if he can do things through a legal route to prevent you from talking to her; he could easily take her off facebook... I think 12 is under the minimum age requirement for there, but I'm not sure. It seems like there are a lot of issues with your uncle. In the end, you have to stand strong in your own beliefs in yourself. You know your choices are the right ones, but others may not see that. Good luck!

*C9* wrote:Well the religon thing seems to be a big problem. It is hard to discuss matters here with that in mind, since opinions and beliefs will crash. I think your uncle sounds a little crazy, like is he having issues of his own and using you to reflect his problems on.


I don't care what religon anyone has unless it harms living creatures for no reason. No one should be preaching to you like that. I'm not sure but a way to solve this would be to visit him or talk to him to better display and convey your feelings to him. Words are often read differently in different contexts.

Yeah i'm not looking for religious fights...I guess I figured it wouldn't be a problem cause I know majority of christians don't go this far on this stuff...I mean..there are divorced people in most churches....this is why he baffles me..he's been divorced himself. I mean it would be one thing even if he was using a bible verse against me ..but I studied theology a lot when I was christian and to my knowledge it never says you can't talk to a divorced person. He does want me to call..I'm considering it simply so I can prove to him I'm talking calmly. But I'm certainly not letting him get away with the excuse that it's the divorce because it doesn't hold up..most people in his family are divorced and not christians...so why am I different..it's so irritating to be told one thing knowing it must be another.

Chibi Rachy wrote:*hugs* I don't know that there is much you can do if he won't let you talk to her. I'm not sure of the legalities of the situation; someone knowledgable with the law in your state would be a better fit for that. I'm not sure if he can do things through a legal route to prevent you from talking to her; he could easily take her off facebook... I think 12 is under the minimum age requirement for there, but I'm not sure. It seems like there are a lot of issues with your uncle. In the end, you have to stand strong in your own beliefs in yourself. You know your choices are the right ones, but others may not see that. Good luck!

Well the thing is Amanda lives with her mom. So I dunno how the law would handle it when one parent thinks it's great that we talk (her mom) and the other (ironically her dad..the one i'm actually related to) thinks i'm some spawn of satan for being divorced even though he is. He is so unbelievably...i dunno..inconsistant with this? Anyhow because of nothing to do with me...he threatened once to take her computer away from her....to which her mom said no way and he didn't after cause apparently he has no right to...her mom bought it for her. I just wish I knew where this attitude is coming from....back in 2005 I use to talk to him all the time over MSN...he use to let Amanda talk to me over his msn....i saw them both summer of '06..and now...poof..complete turn around....it's...just ridiculous.

I can't say anything more than this is why I cannot stand some people. It's unfair on how they're treating you Wendy. Is there anything you can do (besides burning them at the stake..joke.) To remedy this suition?

Hi, really sorry to hear these things.
The only solution is trying to talk to him and explain how you feel and try to make up? If you were close to him before, maybe means that is concerned about you as for the fact that he was divorced and he is very shocked and sorry that it happened to you as well, this is why he acts like that; but obviously it doesn't excuse him for the way is treating you. This is why is trying to protect is daughter, I know it seems ridiculous, but maybe in his mind he is afraid that she will end up divorcing too one day as influenced by all the family situation? Also his religion beliefs maybe are part of the way he is acting. You have to be firm and strong when explaining him your situation and feelings so he can't argue about it and make him understand that he has to accept what happened and that now you are happy and nothing will happen to his daughter, that he has to trust you and believe in you.
Hope you manage to sort everything out

I'm not sure how the law would handle it. I wouldn't think there's anything they could do if she lives with her mom and she's okay with it. It would seem that she'd only be able to not talk to you when she's with her dad.

First of all, I want to say thank-you, Wendy, for being wise enough to see that he's a little crazy, and that it's not because he's Christian >.<


You're right, there's nothing in the Bible about not talking to divorced people (especially when you're guilty of it yourself). And even if a Christian is called to confront a person's mistakes, doing so with anger, name-calling, and judgement isn't the way we're meant to go about it. He never has to accept your choice, but he is still called to love and respect you. ((For the record, I think you did the right thing in getting out of that marriage; it's amazing what greed, lust, and self-love will do to a relationship.))



Did you ever tell your cousin about why you got divorced? While that may not have been the initial reason, that could be the personal information he was talking about. As an evangelical Christian, he probably doesn't want his daughter hearing about pornography and that sort of thing. Again, it isn't the right way of going about things, but just a possible reason.



I'll be praying for you, Wendy. My whole family is this way, mom's and dad's side, much anger and hate and whatever else between everyone. We escaped most of the controversy by being in the military, and we've never lived close to any of them. We now live about six hours from the nearest family member, which keeps us thoroughly out of the chaos. While it's not ideal, cutting ties could be the cleanest way to keep your sanity, not to mention the safest environment to raise any kids you eventually have. I know I would have been thoroughly screwed up if I'd grown up around my family.

I love this quote from the bible "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone" funny how every other "christian" knows this one but your uncle doesn't. Try reading the bible you can find lots of quotes and passages to throw in bible thumpers faces. Like passages that allow you to sell your daughter into slavery. I love when people get all religious. I love to knock em off their pedestal. Best of luck to ya wendy and say hi to Starvoyager for me.