soon-death of a loved one

[alexanderbrite]

Hi all,

I hate to come here with sad news but I wanted to let you all know that my father is dying of lung cancer. He was diagnosed in November 2010, and he has had pnemonia (sp?) 3 times so far and is now totally bedridden and at the hospital waiting to die. He, like me, has a bad case of sleep apnea. He has times where he is awake now, and stops breathing. We don't expect him to see his next birthday (April 5th).

Is there anything I can do to further comfort him and my mother? I myself have sunk into a depression where I cry (loud crying) at least 7-8 times a day and it's really bothering me.

Any advice on how to ease the family's emotional pain?

Thank you all in advance, and again I am so sorry to bring such bad news. Rainbow Brite always usually cheers me up so I've been watching the Star Stealer movie non-stop the past few days.

Take care, all, and thanks again.

Your rainbow friend,
Alex

[Blondine Arc-En-Ciel]

Alex, it is very sad to hear that and I know it won't be easy for you and the others who are left behind. I'm sure that most of us could suggest this or that and some of those suggestions would be helpful, I think that professional counseling is best in this situation. I'm sure that if you ask various local organizations (social agencies, religious organizations, advocacy groups) they will direct you to low cost or free assistance to help you through this.

Best wishes to help you through this difficult time.

BAEC

[alexanderbrite]

Alex, it is very sad to hear that and I know it won't be easy for you and the others who are left behind. I'm sure that most of us could suggest this or that and some of those suggestions would be helpful, I think that professional counseling is best in this situation. I'm sure that if you ask various local organizations (social agencies, religious organizations, advocacy groups) they will direct you to low cost or free assistance to help you through this.

Best wishes to help you through this difficult time.

BAEC

Thank you, I never thought about pro counseling. I mean, I see a personal counselor and psychiatrist, but I agree with your advice - a professional counselor can help mum and I better than my personal one. She does mostly marriage counseling anyway. I see her because of a different reason though.

I'll be looking on the net and through the local phone book for professional help and hey maybe I can get ahold of Dr. Julie F. She's $100 an hour whereas my personal one is $35 for 45 minutes. I'll see if my insurance covers it and all before I go. I was going to go to see Julie first until I met Carrie and she's a pretty good counselor and all.

Thanks for the advice and for replying so quickly here.

[Clinozoisite]

I would recommend group grief therapy. The hospital should be able to recommend a place. I know that here in Michigan, we have specific grief counseling centers.


As for your mother -- depending on how stricken she is by all of this (some people handle stressful situations differently), it might be up to you to determine if all your father's affairs are in order. Make sure he has an up-to-date will, and that any assets he owns (bank accounts, stocks, etc.) are transferred to either you or your mother ahead of time.

Let me say that there is NOTHING worse than dealing with the loss of a relative...unless it is dealing with all of their personal/legal problems on top of it. When my paternal grandparents died in the mid-90s, it took my family two years to clear everything up.


As both of my parents are still alive (and relatively healthy) I must say that I have no concept of what you're going through. But in my imagination, I can definitely conjure up a world of emotional hurt. I wish you the best during this traumatic time. *hug*

[alexanderbrite]

I went to see my dad in the hospital today. He's very sedaded (spelling?) and is asleep... his left eye was partially open and his eyeball was off to the side. I bent over and told him who I was and told him I loved him. He blinked one of his eyes, a little bit. His cheeks were sunken in and he looks pretty rough. His vitals are great, just that he stops breathing sometimes, struggles to breathe. My brother and mum said that he's still holding on. Mum told me that when he was still here at home that he mentioned being scared and not knowing what's going to happen. She said then that he started crying.

Well, just an update. He's still hanging on. We are praying for a miracle. Ya never know, it could happen! But if he is called home, I pray that he goes peacefully.

My brother stated that he thought it was unfair that my dad worked so hard all his life and never got to retire or enjoy retirement. He's only 58.

Please keep him in your thoughts. Thank you.

[alexanderbrite]

UPDATE:

My dad passed away on Saturday the 26th of February. He has been battling lung cancer. He had to be on painkillers every hour. Last time I got to speak to him, he was asleep but everyone in the family said he could still hear. I told him he was my hero and that I loved him very much. My dad was very dedicated to work and he was so good at everything he done. He was very smart. We burried him yesterday.

I can't find a picture of him on the internet yet but when I can I'll post one picture of him. God bless you all.

[alexanderbrite]

By the way I forgot to mention we had a chaplin (??) come over and he prayed with us and that gave us some comfort. Thank you all for your concern and support.
I love you all!

[Blondine Arc-En-Ciel]

.
I'm very sorry to hear that, Alex. I know that things are difficult now for you and your family. I hope that his memory will always be a good inspiration to you.
.

[Rainbow Brite]

I'm so sorry *HUGS*

[JoeyAngel]

I am so sorry to hear that Alex *hugs*