Tom-sprite wrote:You are very productive.
When you enjoy something so much you are able to work out tons of creative stuff.
Reminds me a bit of of my drawing-addiction when I attended art-school.

XD It's kinda like how you were with all those customs you did over a short time period. I just have to write things out XD

I think it s a rather good thing to work impulsively !
I guess we have that in common !

I just read the second part.

I think the atmosphere you create is quite cool and more in-depth compared to the cartoon.
I think it is nice that you expanded the part with the ball of light and the woman s voice a little ... it s so magical and fascinating.

Some parts are a little macabre but that s your intention !
For example the fish that jumps out of the water to eat up a sprite.
The words are really hard (tear off face)
It does not really happen but the pure imagination is somehow painful.

I would suggest you to exaggerate some things even more cause your writing-style would absolutely allow this.
I do not mean the dark aspects ... these are described really intense ... I mean description of visual aspects or movement sequences.

I hope you like constructive criticism.

On balance I do not want to criticize ... further I want to write my honest fellings about your story.

I like to read it and can t wait to read more.

Tom-sprite wrote:I just read the second part.

I think the atmosphere you create is quite cool and more in-depth compared to the cartoon.
I think it is nice that you expanded the part with the ball of light and the woman s voice a little ... it s so magical and fascinating.

Some parts are a little macabre but that s your intention !
For example the fish that jumps out of the water to eat up a sprite.
The words are really hard (tear off face)
It does not really happen but the pure imagination is somehow painful.

I would suggest you to exaggerate some things even more cause your writing-style would absolutely allow this.
I do not mean the dark aspects ... these are described really intense ... I mean description of visual aspects or movement sequences.

I hope you like constructive criticism.

On balance I do not want to criticize ... further I want to write my honest fellings about your story.

I like to read it and can t wait to read more.

For a moment I had considered actually having something happen to the sprite, but it was darker than I wanted to do, considering the brief ideas I've had for the rest of what I want to do.

I think I went lax on the visuals because those who read this already know the story and the setting. It's kinda the same as to why character descriptions are never given. I don't need to describe them because a reader already knows them. The scenes that are written are all very familiar and the reader is meant to draw on what they know from the show and add my twist into it. That's why I don't go into it so much.

I think I went lax on the visuals because those who read this already know the story and the setting. It's kinda the same as to why character descriptions are never given. I don't need to describe them because a reader already knows them. The scenes that are written are all very familiar and the reader is meant to draw on what they know from the show and add my twist into it. That's why I don't go into it so much.

The reader knows the original story+character descriptions are unnecessary ... I completely agree...

... but what I wanted to express is that it could be even more fascinating to copy less and invent more new especially regarding visual aspects or movement sequences.
I think it could cause a spice-up-effect. It s only an idea/well-meant advice.

I am glad that the sprite got away alive.

Tom-sprite wrote:

I think I went lax on the visuals because those who read this already know the story and the setting. It's kinda the same as to why character descriptions are never given. I don't need to describe them because a reader already knows them. The scenes that are written are all very familiar and the reader is meant to draw on what they know from the show and add my twist into it. That's why I don't go into it so much.

The reader knows the original story+character descriptions are unnecessary ... I completely agree...

... but what I wanted to express is that it could be even more fascinating to copy less and invent more new especially regarding visual aspects or movement sequences.
I think it could cause a spice-up-effect. It s only an idea/well-meant advice.

I am glad that the sprite got away alive.

You are right I could invent more, but my goal is not to invent a new telling of how RB is written. There are plenty of people doing that in doujinshi format. I simply want to make the story darker.

OK

Fantastically well-written as always Rachy.

I love Wisp's characterization, particularly in the first episode. She's so optimistic and free-spirited. I'm still curious as to how Murky's new characterization will play out. Will he still have Lurky as a sidekick? If so, will he be different/darker as well?

pinkpuff wrote:Fantastically well-written as always Rachy.

I love Wisp's characterization, particularly in the first episode. She's so optimistic and free-spirited. I'm still curious as to how Murky's new characterization will play out. Will he still have Lurky as a sidekick? If so, will he be different/darker as well?

Glad that you like

Murky will still have Lurky and yes, he will be darker than his original. I suppose you could say more competent in that he's trying to kill her to get rid of her. I had never really worked that far ahead since I've not gotten beyond what's posted here.